Why should you read my blog?  It’s a very good question.   I’m not claiming to be a amazingly witty writer with anything of any value or importance to say.  I won’t be writing about current events or technology or anything that will make your day even remotely better for reading what I have to say. 

I am an average person, living an average life.  I have a 9 to 5 job, a live-in houseboy, 2 cats, a crappy car.  I go the gym, i eat crap and berate myself over it.  I hate my hair, i love my hair, i watch crime dramas on my giant tv, even if i’ve already seen the episode 38 times.  But sometimes funny things happen, and my goal is to share these items in such a way that it will make everyone out there wish they could live my life.

I used to have a blog – and it was pretty good if i may say so myself.  I’m not saying the content was all that fantastuc – but the trick was i used to only write when i was drunk.  Which I guess was a lot.  And then I’d get either ultra-witty or painfully angsty, but i had people i didn’t even know sending me emails, leaving comments, asking how things were going, all that great stuff.  I almost felt like a celebrity.  And then The Thing happened that made me stop:

One morning, my phone rang.  It was my mom, doing her daily ‘hi how are you oh you have to hear about what the dog did.”  We said our hellos, did some small talk, and then she said:

“Is there anything that you’d like to tell me?”

I thought for a minute.  And then for a few more seconds.  Nothing came to mind.  “Um, no.  Why what’s up?”

“Well,” she sighed.  ‘I’ve been reading your blog.”

Oh. My. God.

Let’s just say, I couldn’t bring myself to write anymore.  Knowing she was out there, reading EVERY DRUNKEN RIDICULOUS ENTRY I HAD WRITTEN.  I imagine it was like how a guy must feel when he’s putting the moves on a girl and it’s getting all hot and heavy and then she says something like “My daddy raped me.”  It’s like an anyeurism.  Stops the motion dead in it’s tracks.  D-E-A-D.

So, with that said, here i am, 4 years later, trying again.  With 2 new rules to follow:

1.  Write (mostly) sober
2.  Keep in (mostly) anonymous

Comments, critiques and ideas are welcome.